十月
配乐：それでも、生きてゆく オリジナル・サウンドトラック – 09 – ピアノ協奏曲第2番
这曲子悠扬而又忧郁，像极“暮霭沉沉楚天阔”的意境——哀默而又豁达，让人想趁着雾蒙蒙又无风的天气，去传说中的瓦尔登湖，在湖畔坐着，盯着湖心看一下午，脑子里一片空白。。。似梦非梦，恍如隔世。。。恩，以下是最近的摄影。。。
十一月
Don’t Fall! If Fall, Don’t Panic! Something Big, Maybe Good, Gonna Happen! Hang On Tight!
配乐：Okuribito (Memory) from “Departures” O.S.T By by Joe Hisaishi and London Sympohny Orchestra. As it says, this is the melody of the afterlife.好音乐就是让人觉着什么都是悲剧，却又能让人哀而不伤,心平气和，心甘情愿地沐浴在人生原本苍凉的底色里。。。
一年以后重出人人江湖，发现。。。不生不熟的80后依然不生不熟着，尼玛的网络世界已经是90后的了。。。。google+上的名字改回来了，我想，新生要从心开始，而不是名字。。。有些事情是改变不了的，只能改变你对其的态度。。。如同无间道里那句著名的台词，往往都是事情改变人，人却改变不了事情。。。想想一年以后我将在哪里。。。一年以后，对，就当你的人生就只剩一年的时光，就像去年的这个时候一样。。。人在面对困境和死亡的时候，灵魂会充满求生的欲望与反省自我的自觉意识，这时候的人柔弱而又勇敢，机警而又天真，宽恕别人，也宽恕自己，生死一念间的顿悟，会让你想明白你几十年都想不明白甚至不敢想的事情。。。。。我想大概也是因为如此，老祖宗会有“大难不死，必有后福“的俗语，这个”福“不是外界给予的，而是源于内在，源于人的精神经过痛苦的洗礼，变得更加纯粹之后的 simplicity & peace of mind 以及放下执念以后的light heart 。。。纵使现实世界再让人失望，只因你曾到达临界，你会觉着人生里不会有什么会比失去希望更让人痛苦的了。。。借用张小娴的一句话：当你了解人生，你几乎沒有不快乐的理由，你却也沒有特別兴奋的理由。
《悲情城市》的影评，原声和原片 完整汇总，算是了却了四年前的一个心愿。
先来看看悲情城市的原型–九份的今日
九份好似是我从未踏足的家乡，每次听到音乐或看到画面就会Homesick。。。
“A City of Sadness” Review: Tony & His City of Sadness
A City of Sadness Trailer (Japanese Version) 我也觉着奇怪，但网路上确实没有中文版的预告片
A City of Sadness was directed by Hsiao-hsien Hou（侯孝贤） and awarded Golden Lion in Venice Film Festival （威尼斯电影节金狮奖）in 1990. Tony Leung Chiuwai （梁朝伟）played a dumb man （聋哑摄影师）in the film.
The film tells the story of a family embroiled in the tragic “White Terror” that was wrought on the Taiwanese people by the Kuomintang government (KMT) after their arrival from mainland China in the late 1940s, during which thousands of Taiwanese were rounded up, shot, and/or sent to prison.
The film was the first to deal openly with the KMT’s authoritarian misdeeds after its 1945 turnover of Taiwan from Japan, and the first to depict the 228 Incident of 1947, in which thousands of people were massacred.
The film is regarded as the first installment in a trilogy of films that deal with Taiwanese history, which also includes The Puppetmaster (1993) and Good Men, Good Women (1995).
(source: Wikipedia)
影片的原声音乐:
1 A City of Sadness Theme
2 A City of Sadness~ Theme of “BUNSEI”(文清)
3 A City of Sadness~ Theme of “HIROMI”(宽美)
4 A City of Sadness 高清完整版 共15个剪辑
Background Music: 志明与春娇 by 五月天
见过很多人，换男女朋友比换内裤还勤快的那种自不必说，还有像隔壁的闷骚青年，追女生，人家不睬他，他郁闷一阵子，提枪掉马就直奔下一目标而去了。我在旁边看的目瞪口呆。你要问他，他保准振振有词：人家又不屌我，我喜欢她有什么用。是的，有什么用。然后还会反过头来劝我：没用的，我跟你说……这仿佛是如此的天经地义，如此的不证自明。
昨天，我仔细地想了想，终于想通了这个问题。其中的关键就在于，你究竟是喜欢一个人本身，还是喜欢一种预期，一种前景，喜欢一种未来对方有可能和你上床睡觉结婚生子的可能性？
这个年龄很多人都急吼吼地寻找另一半抱团取暖。要我说，其中有多少是真的喜欢对方本身，这很难说。我这么说可能一来打击面太广，二来没有调查取证，所以显得不那么令人信服。其实这很好判断，那就是扪心自问：换一个人行不行？
这样多少有点神经质。对大多数人来说，并不存在一个绝对不可替代的the one。否则的话，这个世界会麻烦许多。小的时候，小到我才第一次思考爱情这回事的时候，我就对一个问题百思不得其解：你喜欢一个人，而这个人在茫茫人海中又恰巧喜欢你，这是多么大的一个巧合啊！而幼小的我放眼望去，这个世界上充斥着不可胜数的一对对巧合。
要解释这样一件事，只能说明，在大多数人眼里，另一半绝不是不可替代的。而每一个个体的特质，很大程度上是相异的。换句话说，要追溯这种可替代性的载体，那可能就是每个个体作为伴侣所能为对方提供的“服务”了。
比如说，深夜陪你聊天，闲暇陪你娱乐，工作学习相互鼓励，人情冷暖相互慰藉，生理需要相互解决。然后买房结婚，构筑家庭，生儿育女，传宗接代。老了之后相互扶持，终了一生。这些都只是些伴侣给你带来的效用而已。这个过程中，肯定会产生感情，不过这个感情的基础来自于这些过程当中一点一滴的积累，而不是来自于对方本身。换句话说，换一个人，你照样可以和他她积累起深厚的感情。而关键就看谁最先开始和你开启这段旅程(first come, first serve)。
所以，少不更事的时候，我们总以为只有某个特定的对象才能给我们带来这一切，只有他们才能给我们幸福感。而后长大了我们知道并不是这么回事。“好男/女人多的是的，何必呢。”我无数次地听见这句话。这就是所谓的成熟？！
这一切，不是说不对。但这不是我想象中的爱情。
就像我那个倔强的困惑，如果不存在将就凑合的心理考量，如果每个人都是固执的完美主义者，那么怎么可能你喜欢的人也正好喜欢你呢？但是，一旦喜欢，那便是雷打不动的定格。爱情所投射的对象本身基本不会产生多少重大的变化，除非他/她人品突变，性格突变，样貌突变，而这一切绝对是小概率事件。爱情对象在那，那么爱情本身便随之恒定。他/她不喜欢我，那么我也就不喜欢他/她了，这作何道理？我喜欢的是他/她这个人，而不是“他/她可能喜欢我”“我们可以像情侣一样生活”的这种期盼。
所以真正着眼于对象本身的爱情——我不敢说这是真正的爱情，但这是我理解的爱情——会是这样的：他/她不认识我，我会喜欢他/她；我们点头相交，我会喜欢他/她；他/她拒绝我，我会喜欢他/她；他/她反复拒绝我，我还是喜欢他/她；她/他不回我信，不听我电话，不回我短信，我还是喜欢他/她；他/她和别的女/男人谈恋爱，我还是喜欢他/她；他/她和别的女人/男人上床，我还是喜欢他/她；他/她和别的女人/男人结婚，我还是喜欢他/她；他/她死了，我还是喜欢他/她。【注：这里谈的只是心理层面上的喜欢，不是说一定要有行动去表达，如果你喜欢的人结婚了，你可以继续（在心里）喜欢他/她,但你不能破坏他/她的家庭。】
因为我喜欢的是他/她本人，他/她本人不变，感情就不会也没有理由变。这一切都不会随着他/她对我的态度，他/她自身的选择而变化。
但是，这有什么用呢？
“我想学哲学，我想学艺术。”“学这些有什么用呢，能当饭吃吗？”
“我就是喜欢他/她”“他/她又不喜欢你，有什么用呢？”
“这个社会为什么这么不公平？”“这个社会就这样，你说这些又有什么用呢？”
是的，有什么用呢。我们每当面临内心的召唤的时候，这个问句都会鬼魅般如影随形。有时甚至不用父母亲友耳提面命，我自己就习惯性地自问自责：有什么用呢？有什么用呢？
那要是追问到底，我们生于世间，百年来往，又有什么用呢？
如果生命是有意义的，那么我们内心的召唤就是有意义的。午夜梦回想到他/她时那满心酸楚难言的悸动，铺开信纸秉笔夜书时那字斟句酌的计较，经年再见面对才子/佳人时那喷薄欲出的情意，这一切都是爱情原本的意义所在，这一切都是生命本身赋予的。
这有什么用？这本身就是最大的意义。
我们年轻时那些美丽的梦，它们往往敌不过这坚硬的世界，我们要将就，我们要放弃，我们要隐忍。比如爱情，谁年少时没有些洁白的向往。但我们敌不过现实的无奈，父母的唠叨，亲朋的压力，甚至敌不过我们自己本身内心的虚弱和不耐烦。然后我们就将其掩埋，扭头它寻，只有等到回首前尘时才泪满衣襟。
我知道，有人笑我幼稚，会对我说：“我保证，XX年之后你就不这样想了。”当然了，他们一再看着我过了XX年，还是一如既往地这么幼稚。这算幼稚吗？这大概是不同人价值观上的差异，源于性格与后天经历上的差异。
当然，我并不是说我永远不会放弃，面对对方已婚的事实，地理上的差距，个人健康状况的不允许，还有各类天灾人祸，人是要 放下 转身 出口 的。。。但我绝不会像那些自以为看透了的人那样，等到将来自己的儿孙后辈面临这种类似的境遇的时候，嘲讽他们，说一些“别犯傻了，爱情这东西，就是……”之类的屁话。我会对他/她说，孩子，你娘当年也执着过，理解你的选择。。。去吧，坚持你自己的内心，我支持你。”
发布者：Jiahou Li，发布时间：2009-5-30 下午7:10
今天从Google Reader上完成例行的清扫RSS feeds时，看到Fred提到了Google Wave，于是就去了Google Wave的官方网站上看了一下。正好上面有个1小时20分钟的介绍视频，放在了YouTube上，地址在这里。在国内有人上传了一份在优酷上，地址在这里。
这段视频给我带来的震撼真是一波又一波。目前Google
Wave这个产品还在开发阶段，我们还不能注册试用。不过从视频来看，一旦Google
Wave开放并流行后，我们的网络生活会发生相当大的改变（前提是你没有把目光放在Windows、QQ、校内等平台上）。我粗略的总结了8点改动的地
方：
Wave已经可以在编辑的时候通过拖动图片到编辑区域来完成添加图片到文档的操作。几天前我们老师在《分布计算》课上讲胖客户端相比瘦客户端的优势的时
候，就用本地邮件客户端添加附件方便来举例。Google Wave完成了这个操作，我觉得不久Google就会整合到Gmail里面。
Google Wave的一大特色就是可以整合到不同的网络服务当中。在视频中，开发者演示了把Google
Wave嵌入到一个Blogger上的blog中后，在Google
Wave里对文档的编辑会即时更新到blog上。而别人在blog上的留言也会即时的更新到Google Wave里面。不仅如此，作者在Google
Wave再次添加的留言，也到了blog上面。这一点与下面的一点联系尤为紧密：
RSS让我们读blog的效率增长了无数倍。但它有个严重的缺点，就是RSS是单向的。也就是说，我们只能通过RSS来获得文章或留言内容，但我们
不能在阅读器里面直接发表对文章的留言。而如果我们把Google
Wave当作一个RSS阅读器，我们对blog文章添加任何留言，或者与别的留言进行交互，都可以在Google
Wave中完成了。更激进一点，如果我们不把Google
Wave嵌入到blog中，而是直接发布blog，那我们就根本不需要blog了。Google Wave就是我们的blog。
自从有了Google Groups，传统的USENET似乎又一次焕发了青春。而Google
Wave天生的就有Gmail形式的交互组织讨论功能，又支持上传对象，因此替代传统的Google
Groups就完全成为了可能。为什么说Google Wave相对与Google Groups有优势呢？我觉得是Google
Wave对IM交互细节进行的创新：
Wave完全是一个浏览器程序，目前为止还没有客户端程序，似乎也不需要客户端程序，也许在将来会有第三方的客户端程序。不过这不是重点。重点是像
Gmail Chat一样，把Google Wave当作IM软件就完全解决了跨平台的问题。如果我们都通过Google
Wave来交流，我们就不必担心我们用Mac平台或Linux平台无法运行IM客户端了。比如现在，我虽然可以用Adium来和国内的朋友用QQ聊天，但
如果对方要给我传一个文件，我就无法接收到了。这个时候我只能让对方把文件放到附件里用电子邮件发给我（我真纳闷为什么国内的网络用户弱智到连电子邮件都
不会发……都是QQ的错），或者我把文件上传到我的虚拟主机上，对方通过http下载。在Google
Wave里就完全不必担心了，只要把文件拖到对话中，我就可以看到了。如果对方托的是一个图像文件，在对方上传图像文件完毕之前，我就可以在另一端看到缩
略图。另外，Google
Wave在同步交流上也有了进步。现在我们的IM软件，如果完善一点的话，会在对方输入但没有发送的过程中，在我的IM软件里显式“对方正在输入……”。
但在Google Wave里，当对方输入一个字母后，在我这里就可以同步的看到对方输入的那个字母。这样依赖对话就不会被冷冰冰的切成一块一块的了。所有的这些唯一的要求就是：一个好的浏览器。在视频中，Google开发者使用了Google Chrome、Mozilla
Firefox和Apple Safari
4三种浏览器。这三种几乎我们每一个人都在用，因此完全不必担心跨平台的问题。更令人兴奋的是，运行Google
Android的手机，以及iPhone都可以在浏览器里面打开Google Wave，进行操作，完全不需要客户端就可以完成移动工作。
有了Google Docs，协同工作变得更加方便了。Google Wave又更进了一步。在视频中演示了多个人同时编辑同一份文档，在对方输入的同时，本地就可以看到对方做了哪些改动。
Google Wave有playback功能，有点类似于Mac OS X的Time Machine，不过不是针对文件而是针对编辑的。Playback记录了每次对文档的编辑，因此一个新加入的成员可以直观的看到对文档编辑的进度。
目前Google Wave仅支持富文本文档文件，以后会添加对电子表格和演示文稿的支持。
Google Wave改进了拼写检查器。新的拼写检查器不但检查拼写错误，还检查组合错误。在视频演示中，Google Wave可以正确的分辨“bean soup”和“I have been”之间发音类似的bean和been的不同。
Google Wave支持多国语言。在视频中开发者演示了不同人在不同的地方同时编辑同一份文档，并输入不同国家的文字。从上面我看到了中文（显式输入中文的用户是David，我怀疑是David Wang这个人）。
在视频的最后，开发者演示了扩展的功能。当用户在对话中添加了一个法文用户和一个翻译机器人的时候，他输入的英文在法文用户的机器上被同步的翻译成了法文；而法文用户输入的法文也被同步的翻译成英文。
上面我列出的这8条只是Google Wave的一部分功能，更详细的描述，可以看上面给出的演示视频链接。
总而言之，看了这个视频后让我感到相当的兴奋与期待。Google
Wave目前没有公开测试，唯一的发放测试的机会可能就是在视频里说的参加那个演讲的听众们可以获得测试帐号。Google
Wave的官方网站有提交自己的电子邮件地址的功能，提交后，当Google Wave发布后Google会发送邮件提醒。
资料来源：http://blog.cnliufeng.com/2009/05/google-wave-rocks.html
Google的这个新产品叫“Wave”，这名字起得可谓神来之笔。水中的波，各自扩散，此消彼长，此起彼伏——但不知道哪一个外因就会使这些小小的波变成“惊涛骇浪”。
互联网的第一个大众应用大抵上应该是email。40年前email刚刚出现的时候，只能传递文字，过了很久之后才可以附带图片等其它文件，又过了很久很久，才出现超大容量邮箱（这超大容量甚至还可以不断增长的）……但，无论如何，email不是“实时”的。
GoogleWave某种意义上不过是个email
2.0，包括群组参与，其实也不过是过去“抄送”的升级版。然而这一次，它是“实时”的，一切都是实时的。“实时”对沟通来说，要多重要就有多重要，哪怕
“更接近实时”都是难能可贵的。不妨想象一下“飞鸽传书”与“政府支持的邮政系统”以及“可以瞬间抵达的email”三者之间的区别。
而一旦某一种沟通方式变成“实时”的，它所能带来的变革之巨大之激烈是在变革完成之前难以想象的。二十年多前刚刚普及电话的时候，人们其实看不出电
话有多大作用，只是觉得新奇。安上电话之后的相当长一段时间里，电话内容不过是“呀，你家也按电话了？”或者“我家安电话了，号码是……以后联系就方便
了……”时至今日，我们已经无法想象没有电话的生活——至于巨变是什么，已经不重要了，反正那东西不可或缺。GoogleWave和email以及电话一
样，必将成为未来日常生活中的一部分，至于那一部分的作用究竟何在，只有到时候才能看清楚答案。
移动电话普及之前，固定电话某种意义上依然难以“实时”——因为使用者必须到达某一特定地点才能开始“实时”（远程）沟通。现在的情况可能也一样，
估计只有GoogleWave到了能在任何手机上都可以方便地使用的时候，它才能给我们的生活带来巨大的影响——可惜，在国内这种前景是渺茫的，每一部“
正牌”手机都是被阉割过的——不允许配备无线接收设备。网络也是破网，一会儿这个无法连接，那个拒绝连接的，这Wave生活离我们越来越远——因为只有别
人在飞速前进。
Harvard Medical School Requirements for Admission (幸亏在选课前看到了)
The Faculty of Medicine accepts applications from current students in good standing and graduates of accredited colleges who:
General Comments Regarding Course Requirements
The Committee on Admissions considers the level of courses when evaluating academic performance and determining a candidates suitability for medicine. We require a strong preparation in the sciences and mathematics basic to medical school studies. Candidates should take courses that are comparable to courses taken by students majoring in these subjects.
In the final analysis, however, it is not the number of years in college or hours in a course, but the quality of education and the maturity of the student which determine readiness for medical school. At least three years of college work and a baccalaureate degree are required prior to matriculation in medical school.
Recommended Courses
We encourage candidates to complete at least 16 hours in literature, languages, the arts, humanities, and the social sciences and become familiar with computers. We also recommend honors courses and independent study or research, as they offer in-depth exploration of an area of knowledge.
Travis – Turn
I want to see what people saw
I want to feel like I felt before
I want to see the kingdom come
I want to feel forever young
I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I belong
I want to live
I will survive
And I believe that it won’t be very long
If we turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
So where’s the stars?
Up in the sky
And what’s the moon?
A big balloon
We’ll never know unless we grow
There’s so much world outside the door
I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I’ll be strong
I want to live
I will survive
And I believe that it won’t be very long
If we turn, turn, turn, turn
And if we turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
Turn, turn, turn, turn
Turn, turn, turn
And if we turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn
Learn to turn
Cognition of a Street by Normal People
The picture of the street in reality
Cognition of the street by a patient suffering Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia, Cognition, Bats, and Limitation
Introduction
Consciousness has been defined as a kind of self awareness; the knowledge that we exist, and the ability to understand reality (even philosophize it). When pondering the validity of his own existence, Descartes reach the conclusion: cogito ergo sum: I think therefore I am. Even if there was some being controlling his body and there was no reality, by thinking he must exist. This is ray of light we are given by consciousness. Ultimately, consciousness does give us more than proof of existence. It gives the ability to rationalize and make sense of our existence and our reality.
As much strength as consciousness gives us it is still dependant on the mind, which is vulnerable its many inherent weaknesses. The human mind is as fragile as porcelain, susceptible to being shattered by bad luck or having its weaker parts chipped with just a slight of hand. Injury and stroke can have a shattering effect to the mind, resulting in severe changes of personality, loss of mental functions and behaviors, and even death. Just like the thin rim of a cup is at risk to chipping, the mind has its own frailties. Genetic predisposition coupled with environmental influences (such as stress) can cause deterioration of the brain or onset of mental diseases. In addition to being fragile, the mind is also as intricate as knitted scarf with everything connected. Such as a scarf coming apart from a tear in the yarn, deterioration of a lower level process can block higher related processes. In the psychological disorder schizophrenia, consciousness and many cognitive processes are in jeopardy when structure and function of the brain is altered. Implications of these cognitive effects in schizophrenic patients challenge and expand many of the currently held dogmas relating to the mind. Also studies of schizophrenia can lead to clearer recognition of the scientific limitations in understanding and treating schizophrenia, and the boundaries of human ability in conceptualizing mentality.
Defining Schizophrenia (brief overview)
Symptoms of schizophrenia are debilitating to patients, especially when left untreated. Schizophrenia is known to have both positive and negative symptoms, positive pertaining to abnormal added behaviors and negative being the loss of innately human behaviors and mind states. Positive symptoms may include hallucinations (visual and auditory), racing thoughts, paranoia, and delusions (Finlay, 2002). Negative symptoms consist of apathy, dysfunctional/deficient social behavior (including inadequate hygiene and poor social interaction), loss of emotion, and loss of working memory (Finlay, 2002). This disease is spread across all humans regardless of sex or culture, actually affecting 1% of the global population. This indicates the very essence the human mind, its functionality, and weaknesses are what have brought about the disease. Although schizophrenia is widespread, there is a genetic predisposition towards the disease, with environmental influences often bringing about the disease from the predisposition (Finlay, 2002). Two such environmental influences that can trigger schizophrenia or worsen schizophrenia include stress and recreational drug use (Finlay, 2002). Acute (sudden) or insidious (slow) onset of schizophrenia typically occurs in the patients?adolescence or early adulthood (Finlay, 2002). Schizophrenia, like many other biologically based diseases causes structural and functional changes within the body, specifically the brain (Finlay, 2002).
Qualia of Schizophrenia
One of the essential ideas brought across in cognitive science is that we only can only know what is in our own head. To deduce anything about another persons mind we must observe his behavior. Then we try to recall or empathize our own mind state when we behave in a similar way. In truth, this has gotten humans far when it comes to understanding each other, but it is not without limitations. In the paper 揈piphenomenal Qualia? author Frank Jackson describes an individual (Fred) who can discriminate a shade of red unperceivable to any other human. This different shade of red is actually a color with its own intrinsic properties, so Fred can identify it under any circumstance and sensitive tests of the light spectrum (Jackson, 1982). Jackson argues that seeing this red is a result of our senses and therefore there is a unique feeling or state associated with this specific red. Qualia, being a product of the senses, has an associated feeling or brain state to the experience independent from behavior (Jackson, 1982).
Qualia is further expanded in the paper, What is it like to be a bat??by Thomas Nagel. In this paper Nagel argues we currently have no real idea of a rationalization of the physical nature of a mental phenomenon. Nagel continues his argument stating that humans can relate to conscious organisms because humans understand something it is like to be that organism? In the case of bats there is something it is like to be the bat. An example of this is that bats uniquely sense the external world with sonar or echolocation (Nagel, 1974). So there is this unique mental state of echolocation for viewing the world (Nagel, 1974). Thus we can infer that there is a qualia unique to being a bat as opposed to being a human.
Given a bat is a completely different species with a very differently wired brain, there is a large qualia gap between bats and humans, in comparison to the qualia gap between schizophrenics and non-schizophrenics. With different levels of qualia there will be some shared between patients and non-patients. With 1% of the population affected by schizophrenia (Finlay, 2002), one can infer that the characteristic of the disease (at a smaller level) is advantageous to humans existence and some extent of the mind states are shared. For example, a slight fear of the dark may have prevented deaths of our ancient ancestors so the trait of dark phobia was naturally selected. Phenotypes, varying degrees of a trait, have curved data and variance statistics. Unfortunately, outliers of character expression can be so severe that advantages shift to disadvantages, slight fear to paranoia for example. So, one can argue that there is some sharing of the qualia ranging from fear to paranoia. However, just as we cannot know what it is like for a bat to be a bat, we as non-schizophrenics cannot know the full extent of what it is like to be schizophrenic. We must imagine the extrapolation of fear to try to feel paranoia without having experienced it ourselves, and those imaginations are definitely limited by awareness. Thus schizophrenia has qualia that cannot be entirely felt without the structural and functional changes intrinsic to the disease.
Cases of Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia has the qualia of altering the perception of consciousness and reality. Consider these three peoples experiences of schizophrenic episodes:
Snyder’s account:
His onset was insidious, beginning with grandiose thoughts similar to that of the movie ?(Snyder, 2006). Snyder believed he could derive the fundamentals of fractals to get a unifying math theory and became so obsessed with the idea he was unable to continue college (Snyder, 2006). As years passed his schizophrenia progressed from slight paranoid acts, bolting doors of the house to keep out murderers, to becoming convinced that people were constantly watching him (Snyder, 2006). Eventually this delusion progress to the point in which he believed there was a group of watchers dedicated to observing everything (Snyder, 2006), These watchers where spying on him, not only from all public places, but also from every security camera (Snyder, 2006). It reached the point where Snyder believed they were responsible for all his external hardship (e.g. parking tickets) (Snyder, 2006).
Stefanidis’s account:
Erin Stefanidis, ironically, was a graduate student in a neuroscience program when schizophrenia hit her (Stefanidis, 2006). Despite all her education relating to the mind she was unable to rationalize herself away from her skewed reality of schizophrenia (Stefanidis, 2006). Instead of rationalizing the truth she rationalized how the delusions could be true, even using neurology to justify them (Stefanidis, 2006). She received her voice hallucination from the Deep Meaning?who convinced her that rats were in her head gnawing at her occipital lobe (Stefanidis, 2006). Given her studies she knew if this was true she would lose her vision so she rationalized that she was regenerating the neurons and their connections (Stefanidis, 2006). As her schizophrenia progressed she became convinced her neighbor spied on her, then broke into her house and implanted a tracking device in her stomach (Stefanidis, 2006). To rationalize that there was no evidence of a break-in, and no marks of an incision on her stomach, she concluded her neighbor and the tracking device were atomized (Stefanidis, 2006). Atomized, as she defined it, is when each of the atoms composing her neighbor and the device can be dissembled, brought through the barrier (either the house or her stomach), and then reassembled (Stefanidis, 2006).
Cruickshank’s account:
Andrew had the delusion that his wife was a cop trying to frame him (Cruickshank, 2006). This delusions put him in a mental hospital because it put his wife and son at risk (Cruickshank, 2006). After hospitalization, his wife divorced him, he did not receive custody of his son, and he was put on medication (Cruickshank, 2006). With everything combine he went into depression, After nearly a year of feeling lifeless and sleeping most of the time he decided to stop taking his medication and within 4 months the murmurs of voices began (Cruickshank, 2006). Within a few months he was convinced cameras were in his eyes, crows were sent as spies, and his son might be a borg? If his son was not a borg, then a friend was actually the father (at which point he gave his friend a death threat over the phone), and everyone close to him was involved in the conspiracy to frame him for several terrible crimes (rape, murder, pedophilia) (Cruickshank, 2006).
Clearly one can argue for these patients there is something like being what they are, feeling the way they feel. In other words there is a qualia of incorrectly believing one is constantly being watched, that rats are inside ones mind gnawing at neurons, or that there are cameras inserting within ones eye that a group of people monitor. This paranoid irrational qualia of schizophrenia cannot be experience in the non-patients. For feelings and beliefs such as the ones experienced by schizophrenics, mental states must exist that account for the qualia. Since mental states reside within the brain, changes to the brain changes the nature of the qualia. Given specific external input, there are many changes seen in the brains of schizophrenics.
Numerous changes in the brain of schizophrenics has been observed in scientific research. One such change is that there has been sufficient and significant evidence to infer the medial temporal lobe (believe to be responsible for episodic or declarative memory) is actually smaller in schizophrenics than the non-schizophrenic population (Sim, 2006). Further studies suggest that the positive affects of schizophrenia, the active psychosis, cause the release of neurotoxins in the brain, leading to neuron deterioration (McGlaushan, 2006). Similar to Alzheimer抯 disease or syphilis, postmortem investigation shows neuronal death in schizophrenics and a decrease of synaptic connections (McGlaushan, 2006). With deficits such as those listed it can be safely stated that the mind of a schizophrenic is vastly different.
Since the mind of a schizophrenic is different we can make inferences about the qualia of schizophrenic versus non-patient. Given significantly different brains it can be inferred that a schizophrenics mind states are also different. Assuming mind states are different, then qualia is unique for the schizophrenic and the non-patient. Thus an individual with a non-schizophrenic mind do not even have the necessary tools to experience the qualia of a schizophrenic mind. As Nagel said, yet if I try to imagine this, I am restricted to the resources of my own mind, and those are inadequate to the task?(Nagel, 1974).
Restrictions pertaining to our ability to fully experience qualia of brain states other than our own lead to an understanding of the limit of our scientific knowledge. No amounts of words can lead humans to the qualia of being a bat (Nagel, 1974). Similarly no amount of qualia can lead a person with non-schizophrenic mind to understand the qualia of what is like to interpret the world with a schizophrenic viewpoint. Experiencing a camera coming from your eyes is quite different than imagining. Personally speaking, I have always thought with my neurological education something such as schizophrenia would not be accepted by my rational mind. However, after reading Erin Stefanidis’s case clearly I was wrong further proving that one cannot know a schizophrenic mind state or qualia without having the mind state themselves. Based off similar conclusion, Nagel brings up the point that currently there are limitations to our mind, one of which is the qualia of another person. Building off this idea, qualia is not something we are able to break down into its fundamental parts and because we are unable to do that we are limited to treatment as a hit and miss situation.
Conclusions
As stated in the beginning, humans have been given the gift of consciousness and cognition. However underlying this gift is the mind which is as fragile as a porcelain cup and as intricate as a knitted scarf. Injury, stroke, neurochemistry can all cause damage to the mind. With processes of the mind relying on one another damage to one part can cause a chain of detriment to the other brain processes. Schizophrenia is one of the ways the delicate balance of consciousness, cognition, and the mind can be broken. Schizophrenia leaves its victims with altered mind states disconnecting them from reality with hallucinations, delusions, loss of emotion, and loss of memory.
Altered states of the mind lead to different qualias of which are unexplainable and can only be understood by actually experiencing them. This limits our ability to scientifically dissect cognition, qualia, and consciousness. Furthermore we do not have all the tools to properly treat the test. For example, we use fMRIs to diagnose patients fairly efficiently. But understanding the readings like the one at the top of the page is like trying to understand humans from satellite images of the lights on earth taken in the night time by satellite. We can see the big cities and large roads however we cannot see all the small equally important towns and small roads. Instead we are left relying on more of a hit and miss approach leaving many patients suffering symptoms of trail and error diagnoses. Cognition is a gift however many aspects of this gift remain a mystery.
References
Cruickshank, Andrew. (2006) Dairy of a Paranoid Schizophrenic. Schizophrenia Bulletin.
Vol. 32. No. 4. p 614-15.
Finlay, Janet. (2002). Schizophrenia. Research Channel. University of Washington.
http://www.researchchannel.org/prog/displayevent.aspx?rID=3195*
Jackson, Frank. (1982). Epiphenomenal Qualia. The Philosophy Quarterly. Vol. 32, No.
127. p 127- 136.
McGlashan, T. Is Active Psychosis Neurotoxin? Schizophrenia Bulletin. Vol. 32 No. 4 p.
609-613.
Nagel, Thomas. (1974). What is it like to be a bat? The Philosophical Review. Vol. 83.
No. 4. p 435-450.
Sim, K, et al. (2006). Hippocampal and Parahippocampal Volumes in Schizophrenia: A
Structure MRI Study. Schizophrenia Bulletin. Vol. 23. No. 2. p 332-340.
Snyder, Kurt. (2006). Kurt Snyder抯 Personal Experience with Schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia Bulletin. Vol. 32. No. 2. p 209-211
Stefanidis, Erin. (2006). Being Rational. Schizophrenia Bulletin. Vol. 32. No. 3. p 422-
423
Dawn 