一不小心就这样红了

今天瞎猫撞上死耗子,老娘随便给那个塞尔维亚大妈掐了一下脖子,被她到处宣传吹成了“推拿神人”,结果今天活没干多少,一遛老太太排队等我给她们做按摩,我们组的Canadian Boss开玩笑说:按多伦多市标准,一人一次60 bucks。很少夸学生的她这次出奇地“赞美”我,简略说来,就是她觉得我的指头太神奇了,一下就能探测到让她难受的肌肉或穴位,她说我给她揉肩膀的时候,她能感到有一种力量直入她的颅内,结果不但肩膀轻松了,偏头痛也消失了。我是上午给她做的,下午她还一直叨叨着说,感觉大不一样了,一点也不头疼了,干完活肩膀反倒觉得轻盈了…她的这席话被某个路过的外组老太太听到,结果到今天下午下班为止,我确定明后两日,我的胳膊面临散架的危险….我们组另一个老太太说,以后她不再花那个冤枉钱去Clinical Physician做按摩了,直接找我按两下就好了。她们问我是否学过按摩,我说我就是瞎按两下没想到就感觉出里面神经打结和肌肉僵硬了…她们说我按摩的时候,她们能感到由点至线在至面的神效,总之就是“u’v found the exactly painful spot that’s killing me…”我特爱听老太太们被掐时 那一声声“my god”,恍惚间让老娘有“XX转世”的错觉,“my god my god, u know that area, my god ,how did you know exacly where it is, my god my god …u are healing me!!”
很多不认识的人听说我将来要做医生,都说我有一双天赋的手,鼓励我一路坚持下去,还说将来说不定要我当她们的家庭医生…老娘没见过多大世面,一下就被这一坨坨突如其来的溢美之词熏昏了头,就像上一次不小心被人逮到在地下室偷弹钢琴,被众人鼓励去接受正规的音乐教育一样(有人甚至替我找来学习五线谱的书,感动ing)…..
我记得那几个中午,几个工人主动替我找有钢琴的地下室,然后搬来椅子一排坐着听我弹琴,他们还点歌,不巧有几首"土得掉渣",诸如Let it be,Yesterday,Titanic,My Sun,Deer Hunter….我马上就加上自己的伴奏弹了出来,不料又震了,后来的人干脆开始回忆年轻时喜欢的歌,我就着调子竟然也弹出来了….人们很激动,跟我一组的帅哥美女都惊讶于我的记忆力和天生的乐感。还有一个大妈说:my god…she’s perfect…cuz she knows a lot of beautiful things in this world…后来也就是这位大妈,发现了老娘神奇的大拇哥,除了能敲琴键,还能象雷达一样找到害她们腰酸背痛腿抽筋脖僵头疼的神经或穴位病灶….有人开始叫我Dr. Stephanie,还有人今天非要学会怎么念我的中文名字….哎,老娘也不是故意的,只是一不小心就这么红了….我周末的意大利老板还继续添油加醋地说:将来你去多伦多,在你的公寓挂个牌子,就能开张了,让我做你的经纪人,你搭档Amy做登记的前台,收入你三我二她一,如何??….学医老费时间金钱了,按摩才有前(钱)途,你可以不告诉你爸妈,这几年把按摩所得存入银行然后若干年后告诉你爸妈这是你行医所得…
 
内个…省去被人发现有厨师天赋的那一节,因为再蛋下去就有自恋倾向了….
 
上周末我给娘打电话说这摊子事儿时,我娘说“你吹呢叭,别自我陶醉了”,所以,老娘现在真想回国,好让她看看经过这几个月housekeeping的磨练,她闺女已经脱胎换骨成长为新一代housewife。自上上星期起,陆续有两个意大利大爷和三四个波兰大婶问我有BF没,我哼哼哈哈说了几个不同的版本,老娘也是没辙,吸取前任搭档的教训,避免被怀疑成Lesbian,没想到到那第一个大爷后来到处跟人说"Stephanie has got a BF named Jason,her country man"后来还动不动开玩笑说要借我室友手机打中国长途找那个传说中的Jason对话,另一个让我塞尔维亚大婶则看着我的眼睛很认真地说,believe me , i can see your future,u will be a very good doctor in the US and u may not want to go back although u want that deadly now …time changes everything ..wait and see … u know there are  better salary and better oppotunity and above all u will meet someone there, an American or maybe a chinese guy who’s living there and u will marry him and then u wanna stay…当时,我在那儿傻站着傻笑,靠,俺娘都没这么笃信过俺的未来…..
被室友和同龄人赞为super girl的时候,老娘情不自禁地飘飘欲仙了,以至于弹钢琴时,老娘想像自己就是《海上钢琴师》里的那个男主角,虽然老娘没他那么专业,但是现场观众的反应是一致的,立刻安静——〉激动叫喊——〉感动微笑——〉拍手喝彩——〉闭眼陷入回忆…给人作推拿,看着后面一队等候的人,老娘又想像自己是《肖申克的救赎》里那个在狱中发挥特长给所有人免费报税的银行家….给人炒菜,看着别人期待的眼神时,老娘又想像自己是《满汉全席》里那个苏醒过来重新焕发活力的厨神…..有那么几个秒钟,老娘觉得自根儿在异国他乡的小镇上,终于混出个人样来了….
 
厄,就此停笔,免得自我陶醉过头,哈哈….我又想起今天下午大妈们念我中文名字时的搞笑发音和困惑表情来了….
 
P.S.:某日塞尔维亚大婶念US不小心带口音重读,被加拿大大妈听成You Ass~~结果全军覆没,倒地不起^^
Roger Federer
 
背景音乐:It’s My Life
This ain’t a song for the broken-hearted
A silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

Chorus:
It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I’m alive
It’s my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow’s getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

Chorus:
It’s my life
And it’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive
‘Cause it’s my life

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, baby, don’t back down

Chorus:
It’s my life
And it’s now or never
‘Cause I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive

Chorus:
It’s my life
And it’s now or never
‘Cause I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive
‘Cause it’s my life!

Advertisements
5 comments
  1. Minduo said:

    太寒了这个…
    所以你日后真不打算回来了?

  2. Stephanie囧囧 said:

    说不好,未来不仅仅只掌握在我手里,身不由己的事情会越来越多…咱们亲耐地祖国日益强大….美国毕竟不安全….

  3. Minduo said:

    难道你喜欢Federer…
    …是说我比较爱好Roddick来着…虽然他被他灭了很多很多次…

  4. Stephanie囧囧 said:

    R同学太孩子气了,所以手老潮,话说其以其腼腆而性感的脸入围全球最美男运动员TOP 20来着….让他扮虚竹,小F扮萧峰,挺好的….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: